Legal Stuff and Nonsense
Yeah, we have one of these pages too.
We know nobody looks at them.
We know nobody wants them.
We don't really know what they mean, anyway.
We're pretty darned sure that between Us and our Customers and Friends (and who the heck else is looking at this website anyway?) we surely don't need one of these pages.
We're just not that type of folk around here.
But we have one.
Seems everybody must have one.
Maybe it's in the constitution or something.
If not, maybe we could petition the 9th circuit to add it in.
Heck if we didn't some poor lawyer might not be.... Ah never mind. You know what we mean.
Have fun reading it anyway, and if you find any loopholes or other glaring errors or inconsistencies in it don't bother telling us.
We wouldn't know what to do with them anyway, and it might just make us suspicious of the kind of folk with whom you might be
hanging around.
Website Terms and Conditions / Legal Notices
1. Introduction.
Doug Robertson Enterprises, including its subsidiaries and affiliates (Doug Robertson, DRE, we, us or our) provides the information contained on this website or any of the pages comprising the website ("website") to visitors ("visitors") (cumulatively referred to as "you" or "your" hereinafter) subject to the terms and conditions (“terms”) set out in these website terms and conditions, the privacy policy and any other relevant terms and conditions, policies and notices which may be applicable to a specific section or module of this website. Your access to and use of this website signifies your agreement with these terms.
2. Information on the website.
While every effort is made to update the information contained on this website, neither Doug Robertson nor any third party or data or content provider make any representations or warranties, whether express, implied in law or residual, as to the sequence, accuracy, completeness or reliability of information, opinions, research information, data and/or content contained on the website (including but not limited to any information which may be provided by any third party or data or content providers) ("information") and shall not be bound in any manner by any information contained on the website. Doug Robertson reserves the right at any time to change or discontinue without notice, any aspect or feature of this website. No information shall be construed as advice and information is offered for information purposes only. If you find an error or omission at this site, please let us know.
3. Trademarks.
The Doug Robertson Enterprises trademarks, names, logos and service marks (collectively "trade marks") displayed on this website are registered and unregistered trade marks of Doug Robertson. Other companies’ trade marks are also used on this site with their permission. Nothing contained on this website should be construed as granting any license or right to use any trade mark without the prior written permission of Doug Robertson or its respective owner. The contents of this website are protected from copying or distribution under national and international copyright laws and treaties throughout the world. Copyright ©2011 Doug Robertson Enterprises All rights reserved.
4. External links.
External links may be provided for your convenience, but they are beyond the control of Doug Robertson and no representation is made as to their content. Use or reliance on any external links and the content thereon provided is at your own risk. When visiting external links you must refer to that external websites terms and conditions of use. No hypertext links shall be created from any website controlled by you or otherwise to this website without the express prior written permission of Doug Robertson.
5. Warranties.
Doug Robertson makes no warranties, representations, statements or guarantees (whether express, implied in law or residual) regarding the website, the information contained on the website, your or your company's personal information or material and information transmitted over our system.
6. Disclaimer of liability.
Doug Robertson shall not be responsible for and disclaims all liability for any loss, liability, damage (whether direct, indirect or consequential), personal injury or expense of any nature whatsoever which may be suffered by you or any third party (including your company), as a result of or which may be attributable, directly or indirectly, to your access and use of the website, any information contained on the website, your or your company's personal information or material and information transmitted over our system. In particular, neither Doug Robertson nor any third party or data or content provider shall be liable in any way to you or to any other person, firm or corporation whatsoever for any loss, liability, damage (whether direct or consequential), personal injury or expense of any nature whatsoever arising from any delays, inaccuracies, errors in, or omission of any share price information or the transmission thereof, or for any actions taken in reliance thereon or occasioned thereby or by reason of non-performance or interruption, or termination thereof.
7. Use of the website.
Doug Robertson does not make any warranty or representation that information on the website is appropriate for use. By accessing the website, you warrant and represent to DRE that you are legally entitled to do so and to make use of information made available via the website.
8. General
8.1 Entire agreement.
These website terms and conditions constitute the sole record of the agreement between you and Doug Robertson in relation to your use of the website. Neither you nor Doug Robertson shall be bound by any express tacit or implied representation, warranty, promise or the like not recorded herein. Unless otherwise specifically stated these website terms and conditions supersede and replace all prior commitments, undertakings or representations, whether written or oral, between you and Doug Robertson in respect of your use of the website.
8.2 Alteration.
Doug Robertson may at any time modify any relevant terms and conditions, policies or notices. You acknowledge that by visiting the website from time to time, you shall become bound to the current version of the relevant terms and conditions (the "current version") and, unless stated in the current version, all previous versions shall be superseded by the current version. You shall be responsible for reviewing the then current version each time you visit the website.
8.3 Conflict.
Where any conflict or contradiction appears between the provisions of these website terms and conditions and any other relevant terms and conditions, policies or notices, the other relevant terms and conditions, policies or notices which relate specifically to a particular section or module of the website shall prevail in respect of your use of the relevant section or module of the website.
8.4 Comments or questions.
If you have any questions, comments or concerns arising from the website, the privacy policy or any other relevant terms and conditions, policies and notices or the way in which we are handling your personal information please contact us at:
Doug Robertson Enterprises
1159 Mountain Rd
Kempton, PA 19529
Privacy
General Privacy Policy Statement
Doug Robertson Enterprises (Doug Robertson, DRE, us, we) recognizes its obligation to its customers, community and online visitors to adhere to the highest standards of decency, fairness, and integrity in all its operations. Likewise, Doug Robertson is dedicated to the fundamentals of protecting your privacy on the Internet.
Gathering and Use of Information
Doug Robertson only collects personal information from our visitors on a voluntary basis. We do not require any personal information from visitors to obtain access to our site. However, in order to respond to the contact section on our website, you will have to provide personal information. Personal information received from any visitor will only be used for internal marketing, supply or employment purposes and will not be sold or provided to any non-affiliated companies except to provide products and services that you have requested.
Confidentiality and Security
We limit access to personal information about you to employees who we believe reasonably need to come into contact with that information to provide products or services to you or in order to do their jobs. We have physical, electronic, and procedural safeguards that comply with federal regulations to protect personal information about you.
Links
The DRE website may contain links to other sites. We make every effort only to link to websites that share our high standards of decency, fairness, and integrity. We try our best to ensure that these links are safe for visitors, but the privacy and data collection practices on any linked websites are entirely separate from Doug Robertson and are not covered by this Privacy Policy. Doug Robertson shall not be responsible for any failure on the part of any linked websites to comply with any privacy policy posted on the website, or any contractual or other legal obligations to which the operators of such website may be subject. In addition, other websites can (not may) link to Doug Robertson’s website without Doug Robertson’s knowledge or consent. Doug Robertson has no responsibility for the content, policies or actions of any other websites.
Changes and Updates to this Privacy Policy
Doug Robertson Enterprises website content and features may be updated, revised, modified and supplemented. Doug Robertson reserves the right to change the information, features, products, policies, promotions, disclosures and disclaimers at any time. Changes to this Privacy Policy will be posted on our website. Please check the policy periodically for changes. The date of the last update to this Privacy Policy is listed at the bottom of this page. The continued use of this website following the posting of changes to this Privacy Policy means you accept those changes.
Summary
As in all business operations, Doug Robertson approaches our communications on the Internet with respect for, and commitment to, individual privacy rights, concern, and respect for our visitors. We support active self-regulation to ensure that responsible marketers can maintain the right to use all communication media to interact with its consumers.
WARNING: This product contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm.
Still Alive
written by Jonathan Coulton
vocals by Ellen McLain
Valve owns this song, and we'll take it down if they ask us to. But until then it just tickles us to death and seemed appropriate to put at the end of the Legals page
This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here:
HUGE SUCCESS.
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
Aperture Science.
We do what we must because we can;
for the good of all of us except for the ones who are dead.
But there's no sense crying over every mistake,
you just keep on trying 'till you run out of cake,
and the science gets done, and you make a neat gun
for the people who are still alive.
I'm not even angry.
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart and killed me,
and torn me to pieces,
and threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned, it hurt, because I was so happy for you!
Now, these points of data make a beautiful line,
and we're out of beta, we're releasing on time.
So, I'm glad I got burned.
Think of all the things we learned
For the people that are still alive!
Go ahead and leave me,
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
Maybe Black Mesa.
That was a joke, haha, fat chance.
Anyway, this cake is great, it's so delicious and moist.
Look at me still talking when there's science to do.
When I look out there, it makes me glad I'm not you.
I've experiments to run, there is research to be done
on the people who are still alive.
And believe me, I am still alive.
I'm doing science and I'm still alive.
I feel fantastic and I'm still alive.
While you're dying I'll be still alive,
and when you're dead I will be still alive.
Still alive.
Still alive.
(Of course, there is no cake.)
